- "It's Howdy Doody time, Howdy Doody time!"
- ―A Farmer's Thought.
A Farmer in Destroy All Humans! Remake.
Farmers are the weakest enemy in Destroy All Humans!, appearing only in Turnipseed Farm and Rockwell. A Farmer was also the first Human to die, which was Harold Turnipseed.
Appearance[]
In the original Destroy All Humans!, their physical appearance looked much like a typical 1950s farmhand. They wore overalls, a white tee, and a cowboy hat which was also white.
In the Remake, several new varieties have been added, all resembling stereotypical hillbillies and rural farmhands.
Weaponry[]
The only weapon Farmers have is a shotgun, which is one of the weakest weapons in Destroy All Humans!. However, they can still kill Crypto if he is hit too many times, particularly at close range. Some Cops also wield shotguns.
In the Remake, Farmers still wield shotguns, but they have been changed from pump-actions to the more archaic double-barrelled variety.
FURON HANDBOOK[]
A Farmer armed with a double-barrelled shotgun.
Human Agricultural Engineer or "Farmer"[]
This human is seemingly resistant to outside influences, careful to preserve its opinions, but is nevertheless internally conflicted about consuming the animals it raises, having a confusing thought process about both caring for its edible creatures and eating them. This garden-variety human is composed of a weak assemblage of tissue, gelatin, and bones high in calcium. All encountered HAEs are easily pulverized, though further research is required.
”We ain't so different. They clean up them critters' mess, I clean up Mr. Pox's mess. In fact, I'd much prefer cleanin' a more solid waste' stead of the liquids oozin' outta Mr. Pox!” - Gastro-999.
Cortex Scan - Males[]
Male Farmers thoughts when Cortex Scanned;
"That's funny - I'm suddenly overcome with the urge to milk a cow. Obsessive compulsive I think they call it."
"Aliens in the cornfield? I knew I shoulda built that baseball diamond!"
"Think about baseball! Think about baseball! oh, ROCK HUDSON! No, no, baseball! Think about baseball!"
"I'll shoot them aliens somethin fierce if they get near my sheep Dolly!"
"What exactly IS an udder anyway? Ugly lookin thing."
"If I can't hear ya over my ignorance and rifle blasts, then you ain't worth hearin!"
"I heard old Jed just struck gold, yeah Texas T."
"You know, sometimes I thought about some poor bastard gettin up at 4AM to do some menial farm work for no money. And... oh wait - that's me! Awwwwww shoot!
"Maybe we outta go organic. Wait a minute - what kinda pinko talk is that?"
"Did... did that cow just speak to me? Say somethin else Bessie!"
"I loves my Bessie! But I loves my Steak! Bessie. Steak. Steak. Bessie. LORD! Why do you make me choose?"
"I wonder what my Bessie thinks about becomin beef steaks in a supermarket someplace. Mmmmm steak!"
Cortex Scan - Females[]
Female Farmer’s Wives thoughts when Cortex Scanned;
"Please Lord, Kill Me Now. Harold just asked me to bake him ANOTHER Apple Pie! AAAARGH!
"Would it kill the man to compost!? Sheesh!"
"What's an Elvis? Must be some new type of pie! Mmmm Elvis pie!"
"Better find somewhere to sit down. I'm gettin those Hot Flushes..... HOOOEY!"
"I don't know what that Johnny was sowin' but I don't think it was apple seeds! Ha ha ha haa.
"My mind says Martin, but my body says Lewis - my funny bone says Bob Hope!"
"Hmm... Jeremiah's been in that sheep barn for quite a spell..."
"If it bleeds, I can cook it!"
"Yep, this is how I thought my life would be like. Cows? Check. Farm? Check. Bakin' apple pie and cookies? Check."
Appearances[]
- Farmers only appeared in Destroy All Humans! and the Destroy All Humans! Remake.